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Re: Freaking pissed
I feel you! It sucks when we think we can depend on someone - especially someone who is supposed to be a friend!
I don't want anyone to think that I'm taking the light off Whitney, but let me explain my similar story...
I had this friend that I'd known superficially for quite some time through association. As time went on, we did get closer - practically inseperable - as it turned out that we had too much in common between our associations. She began to date one of my husband's best friends (her & I already began to strongly bond, so the trust was there); they moved in together etc., etc.
My husband & I were pregnant with our first daughter (Diva - now 4 years old). My friend always seemed so happy for me, seemed supportive through my new found problems in my realtionship... and went as far as to assert that she wanted to be the Godmother & throw the baby shower! I was so excited! She even conffessed that she had never done a baby shower before, even through all her nieces & nephews. I gave her & my sister resources because I felt if they really wanted to do it, they'd take the time to get in contact, ask around for resources, whatever. Heard nothing. I just assumed they had it down...
It got closer to the delivery date. I had an accident & quick working early... no word. My new in-laws threw me a last minute shower - with the baby there.
So, what happened was, apparently, there was a convention in Las Veags that they had already reserved for that weekend. Okay, I understand, it's business. Right?
A couple days after they get back, all she talked about was how much fun they had going to clubs & so-&-so came up to surprise them & they had sooooo much fun!
When I asked about the convention, I got a split second of silence & gasp at the same time...
"oh, yeah ,it was great..."
This was the defining moment for me in our friendship. I have to admit, that there were times when I got too caught up in a relationship that I would forget about not only my friends, but ME! Before this incident, there were many others, this was just the last straw basically. This is when I realized how ♥♥♥♥♥♥ing a relationship can be, in so many ways than one - a) disservcie to self, b) loss of accountablity, c) loss of identity d) delusional realtionships - lack of perspective - better-known-as no sense of reality! e) lack of self-respect by not just saying I'm me but "I'm-me-not-a-part-of-you"...
So at that point I realized, I had done more than is necessary for our friendship. So, I figured she will contribute when & if she can. But most importantly, I DO NOT have to depend on her anymore! Being released from that obligation has done wonders for me these last 3 years when "feeling out" levels of intamacy with the people I care about & those that seem to care about me.
How your friend is currently dealing with her relationship in comparison to the friendship bond she shares with you is probably nothing personal between the two of you. I have learned that we take things out on those we feel are most secure in our lives (closest to us) - basically take-for-granted - because we have been allowed to be accepted on so many different levels. We just assume that "Oh. they'll get over it or they'll understand." She may feel a need to secure her current relationship because she feels you'll always be there.
So what I am trying to say is, just humbly, graciously let her go. Let her figure out what it is about this boyfriend she may or may not need so badly. Sometimes it takes losing a good friend to make better friends, to learn respect for others, & learn better respect for our own self.
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